


Hollowed out heart

by dannybsdadbod



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Cuddles, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fathers Trip, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, M/M, Mitch is super sad and struggling with his father issues, Sad, Tears, dad issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 06:19:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13541520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannybsdadbod/pseuds/dannybsdadbod
Summary: “Mitch…”“He isn’t coming,” Mitch’s voice cracks and tears fall.Auston wraps Mitch up into his arms, “Oh Mitchy…” He rubs Mitch’s back and kisses his head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, Mitch.”“I just wanted him to come…”“I know you did, I know.”“He said maybe if I were having a better season…”





	Hollowed out heart

**Author's Note:**

> I have issues with my own father. And I know Mitch and his father never have had like, the best relationship. And reading how Mitch’s dad ‘couldn’t take off of work’ was just. Ridiculous, imo. He lives and works in toronto. His son plays on the beloved leafs. His son went 4th overall. He could’ve gotten off of work. But he didn’t. 
> 
> So this is part me projecting, part just plain sadness, and all inspired by the fact his dad ‘couldn’t take off of work’ for the dads trip. 
> 
> Obviously I do not know the Marners, I do not know his father or how his relationship with his father is. None of this is confirmed/cannon, this is all a work of fiction.  
> Title from the song ‘For the Love of a Daughter’ by Demi Lovato
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING/EXPLANATION: Mitch def reads like he has depression

Mitch calls his father on a Tuesday afternoon. He puts in his headphones and dials his dad’s cell number.

 

“Hello?”

“Hey dad,” Mitch is already picking at the hem of his shirt. 

“Hey Mitch, what is it? I’m really busy.”

“Oh,” Mitch nods. “Yeah I just. I was wondering, cause like, we talked about how you needed to think, and um…”

“Out with it, Mitch.”

Mitch clears his throat. “The dad trip?” 

 

There’s a pause on the other line before he hears his dad sigh. 

 

“Mitch, I don’t think I can come this year.”

Mitch purses his lips and nods, “Yeah, no, you’re busy, I get it. Next year.”

“I came last year.”

Mitch won’t cry. Not on the phone with his father. He won’t cry.

“And this year it’s just, harder to take time off.”

He won’t fucking cry.

“Maybe if you were having a better season…”

Mitch swallows as quiet tears fall. “Yeah. I gotta go.”

He hangs up before his dad can get another word in. 

 

Mitch pulls the pillow next to him into his chest and buries his face in it, sobbing. He lets out gross, loud sobs that he can’t control. His entire body is shaking, rippling with every sob that tears through him. 

His dad is right, and that’s the worst part. If he weren’t so fucking embarrassing, if he were playing like he deserved to be on the team, maybe then his dad would come. But he isn't. He’s playing horribly. He doesn’t deserve to have his father there for the dad trip. 

Mitch turns his phone on Do Not Disturb and curls into a ball with his blanket. 

He dozes off for a little, only woken up by a hand on his shoulder and a soft voice.

 

“Mitchy?” 

Mitch blinks his eyes open, rubs at them to get the dried tears away. 

“Hey, Mitchy, what’s going on?” Auston’s voice is gentle. When Mitch opens his eyes, he’s kneeling at the side of the bed. 

Mitch shrugs a little and tries to smile. 

“Mitch…”

“He isn’t coming,” Mitch’s voice cracks and new tears fall. 

Auston wraps Mitch up into his arms, “Oh Mitchy…” He rubs Mitch’s back and kisses his head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, Mitch.”

“I just wanted him to come…”

“I know you did, I know.”

“He said that… maybe if I were having a better season…”

“Fuck him,” Auston spits. He pulls back and holds Mitch at arms length. “Seriously! Fuck him! You’ve been playing so well.”

Mitch shakes his head and puts his hand over his mouth to stifle his sob. 

“Shh, I’m sorry for getting mad just, that’s ridiculous.”

“I-I’m not good enough,” Mitch whispers.

“You’re beyond good enough. Good enough for this team, for the coaches. Hell, you’re too good for me, if we’re being honest here.”

Mitch’s mouth twitches a little and feels his chest get a little lighter. 

“Babs loves you, he’s said to the media multiple times that you’re so good. He believes in you. The team believes in you. All of us fucking believe in you. So what if your fucking father doesn’t?”

Mitch nods a little. “But he’s my dad. I just. I want him to be proud of me. I want  _ him _ to think I’m good enough.”

Auston sighs, “I know, baby.” He kisses Mitch’s head, “I know. I’m so sorry.”

Mitch just nods, not finding the need to speak anymore. 

“Mitchy?”

Mitch just shakes his head. “I’m tired. He doesn’t care. I need to stop trying to make him care.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting him to care…”

“But I just keep reminding myself how useless it is! How fucking worthless I am!”

“Mitchell.”

Mitch shakes his head and covers his face, crying. 

“Mitchell, don’t you dare speak like that.” Auston’s voice isn’t angry, but it’s serious. He lays a gentle hand on Mitch’s back. “You aren’t worthless. You mean the world to me. You’re my everything. I love you  _ so _ much. You’re here, and that’s huge. You’re playing hockey in the NHL, you have a team who loves you, a boyfriend who loves you. You have done so much in your career already, you’ve broken records and played so well. You’re only going to keep acelling. Do you hear me?”

Mitch nods small. 

“So your father? He can fuck right off. Because you’re so fucking incredible and you deserve to see yourself as such.”

Mitch looks up at Auston who’s also tearing up. “Aus…”

“Mitchy,” He reaches out and grabs Mitch’s hand. “I love you so much.”

“I-I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

Auston smiles softly and kisses Mitch’s hand. “You didn’t, I’m just worried. And angry at your father.”

Mitch nods, “I am too.”

“Wanna stay in tonight and cuddle? I can order us food. We can watch movies. Whatever you want.”

Mitch nods, “I would really like that.” 

“Anything for you.” Auston kisses Mitch’s forehead. “My sweet prince.”

Mitch blushes and wrinkles his nose up. He loves when Auston calls him that. “Come into bed with me?” Mitch moves over, making space. 

Auston gets into bed and immediately Mitch fits himself into Auston’s arms. He lays his head down on Auston’s chest and wraps an arm around Auston’s torso. 

Auston pulls Mitch close to him, holding him, protecting him. 

“I’ve got you, Mitchy.”

Mitch takes a deep, slow breath. 

“You’re so good,” Auston mumbles into Mitch’s hair. 

“I love you. I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“You have no reason to be sorry.” Auston kisses his head. “Okay? No reason at all. This isn’t your fault. And you’re more than allowed to be upset.”

\--

Mitch decides he’s going to call his brother. It’s a dads trip, yeah, but Chris has been a better male figure in his life than his father ever was. 

And Chris wants to come. 

When Mitch calls him, Chris is livid that his dad spoke to Mitch that way. He tells Mitch that he loves him, that he’s proud of him. It means the world to Mitch. 

Chris is coming to the dad trip. 

Mitch’s chest feels light. 

Mitch walks into his kitchen after hanging up with his father. 

“Why are we so smiley?” Auston smiles at Mitch from behind the stove. 

“Chris is going to come on the dads trip!” 

“Mitch, that’s so great!” Auston steps away from the stove and hugs Mitch. 

Mitch smiles and hugs Auston tight, his face stuffed into Auston’s chest. “I’m so happy.”

“I’m happy for you. I’m so glad Chris is coming.”

“I’d rather Chris than my dad, anyway,” Mitch shrugs. “Chris actually supports me and wants to be there.”

Mitch wraps his arms around Auston as he finishes cooking. He can’t stop smiling, he’s so excited. 

“My two favorite guys on one trip! Chris and you!” 

Auston smiles and kisses Mitch’s cheek. “I’m so happy you’re so happy.”

“Me fuckin too,” Mitch laughs a little. 

“You deserve it. Deserve to have an older father-esque figure who’s proud of you.”

 

Mitch doesn’t stop smiling for days.

\--

Chris calls Tuesday night. 

Wednesday morning Mitch doesn’t want to get out of bed. 

He knows Chris didn’t mean to get sick. That’s not how it works. You just get sick, you don’t chose to. It just. It fucking sucks. 

Mitch just wants one fucking thing to work out for him. Clearly, that’s too much to ask. 

 

“Mitch?” Auston’s in a towel, “You gonna get up? We have to get to practice.”

Mitch nods and swallows. “Yeah, just. Give me a few.”

Auston nods and goes back to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

 

Mitch curls up into a tight ball, making himself as small as possible. As if he has to try to make himself small, he’s already so fucking tiny. 

Mitch jumps when Auston places a hand on his back. 

“Shh, it’s just me.” Auston rubs his back a little. “Mitchy, come on. I can’t let you stay in bed all day.”

“I don’t want to do this,” Mitch whispers. 

“Do what? Practice?” 

“Go on this fucking trip!” Mitch tears up. 

“Mitch…”

“No!” Mitch snaps, sitting up. “You don’t fucking get it. You don’t know what it’s like to witness all of these supportive father’s being so fucking happy for their sons and so proud. My father has never  _ once  _ said he was proud of me! My father always picks out what the fuck is wrong with me, and yeah, maybe it’s going to be better without him on the trip in that aspect. But the fact I have to sit around and watch all of these dads be proud of their sons? And pretend to be happy, plaster a fucking smile on my face? I can’t do that, Auston. I can’t fucking do it.”

Auston’s voice softens, “Mitch, I’m sure no one’s expecting that of you.”

“Yeah, they are. They may say they aren’t, but they don’t mean it. Because no one wants to deal with the sad little boy during the dad trip. Everyone wants to enjoy this. So I need to fake it, I can’t be a depressed fuck.”

Auston reaches to Mitch and holds his hand, “I’m so fucking sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

Mitch shrugs, “Yeah, well.”

 

Mitch gets out of bed and goes through the motions of getting ready, very aware of Auston hovering closeby. 

 

The car ride to the rink is quiet. Auston puts music on lightly, stops at Tim’s and orders Mitch his usual. 

Mitch sips at his latte and grabs Auston’s hand over the middle console. He can see the smile on Auston’s face when he takes it. Auston gives Mitch a little squeeze. 

 

“I love you,” Auston says, before they get out of the car.

Mitch smiles sad, “I love you too.”

 

Mitch prepared himself for media asking about his lack of a father, but he wasn’t prepared for how draining it would be. Answering question after question. 

“Why isn’t your father here?” 

“Doesn’t your father live around here?” 

“Who’s replacing him for the father’s trip?” 

Mitch wants to scream. 

He doesn’t, though. Those reporters don’t deserve that. It’s not like they know. 

So he forces a smile, answers as calmly and generically as he could. 

 

Auston takes him home after, holding him close in bed when Mitch lays down immediately. 

“We need to eat,” Auston mentions, rubbing Mitch’s back. 

Mitch nods, not making a move to get up. 

“Want me to go make us something?” 

Mitch nods. 

“Wanna come with?” 

Mitch nods again, grabbing the Leafs blanket off the bed and wrapping it around himself and following Auston to the kitchen. 

Mitch hops on a stool in their kitchen and watches Auston. 

Auston talks about random stuff, filling the silence with noise so that Mitch doesn’t spend too much time in his head. 

He talks about how he’s getting better at COD, how he found a new album to listen to, tells Mitch about the puppies that he met at the All Star Game. Just random shit to fill the space. And Mitch couldn’t be more grateful. 

\--

There are a bunch of dads in the locker room already when they get to the rink before the game. 

Mitch introduces himself to everyone, takes in the positive energy of the room and lets himself be swept into it. 

He looks at his phone before going out onto the ice and has one message. Mitch hopes it’s from his father. He feels like an idiot when he looks at his phone and doesn’t see his dad’s name on his screen. 

 

**Chris:**

Go make dad sorry for not coming. 

So proud of you, little bro. Love you. 

 

Mitch smiles as tears spring to his eyes. 

He types back a quick message before blinking the tears away and heading to the ice. 

\--

Mitch scores.

And it’s the best goddamned feeling ever. 

He feels like it’s the first tangible time he’s proved his father wrong. He fucking scored. The night his father was supposed to be there but wasn’t. And it feels fantastic. 

He beams at the bench when he goes to the handshake line, hearing all of his teammates praises. 

When he gets on the bench after his shift, Auston bumps his shoulder. “Fuckin right.”

Mitch smiles, “Fuck him.”

“So proud of you,” He says, under his glove so the cameras can’t see. 

Mitch smiles, his chest and body feel so light. 

 

They win. 

They don’t just win, they dominate. 

They shut the Islanders out. 

Travis and Justin scored their first NHL goals. 

The locker room is buzzing and  _ happy _ and so is Mitch. He doesn’t think he would be this happy if his father were here, honestly. He’d be on edge. His father would’ve found something to scrutinize Mitch over. Found a way to dampen the mood of the locker room. But he isn’t here. So Mitch lets himself dance to the music they have on. He lets himself celebrate with the guys. He lets himself be happy. Because he deserves it. 

 

Auston finds Mitch after the media has cleared out. 

“You okay?” 

Mitch looks up at Auston from his stall and smiles. “Yeah, I am. Like, I actually am.”

“Yeah?” Auston smiles wide. “Good. You deserve to be. Your smile makes me so fucking happy.”

“ _ You  _ make me so fucking happy. No go celebrate with your father. I’m good, Aus.”

“I wanna celebrate with both of you, yeah? And then go home with my boyfriend and cuddle him into oblivion.”

Mitch smiles, “I’d love that.”

Auston takes Mitch’s hand, “I love you. And I’m so proud of you.”

Mitch nods, “I’m pretty damn proud of myself, honestly.”

Because he is. And he’s the only person who needs to be.


End file.
